Former English captain Lewis Moody has announced he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet confront the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after learning he has the illness.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and being reluctant to really process that at the moment," he said.
"It isn't that I am unaware of where it's heading. We grasp that. But there is certainly a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, conversing alongside his wife Annie, states instead he feels "calm" as he focuses on his present wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the condition worsens.
"Possibly that's shock or perhaps I deal with matters differently, and when I have the information, it's more manageable," he continued.
First Signs
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some lack of strength in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After rehabilitation was ineffective for the issue, a number of scans revealed neural pathways in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this diagnosis of MND and we're understandably very affected about it, but it's so strange because I feel like everything is fine," he remarked.
"I don't sense unwell. I don't experience unwell
"My indications are rather minimal. I have some muscle loss in the fingers and the shoulder region.
"I'm still capable of performing whatever I want. And optimistically that will continue for as long as is possible."
Illness Advancement
MND can progress swiftly.
As per the non-profit MND Association, the condition kills a one-third of people within a 365 days and over half within two years of identification, as eating and inhalation become more difficult.
Medical care can only slow worsening.
"It's not me that I experience sorrow for," stated an affected Moody.
"It's about the sorrow around having to tell my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Personal Impact
Conversing from the household with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was consumed with feeling when he spoke about informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the devastating news, saying: "That represented the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two excellent boys and that was rather heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We positioned ourselves on the sofa in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog jumped over and began licking the moisture off our faces, which was rather amusing."
Moody explained the emphasis was remaining in the moment.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be so militantly directed on just accepting and savoring everything now," he commented.
"According to Annie, we've been truly blessed that the sole choice I made when I concluded playing was to spend as much period with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those times back."
Athlete Connection
Top-level sportspeople are disproportionately affected by MND, with studies indicating the rate of the illness is up to sixfold greater than in the broader public.
It is believed that by limiting the O2 available and causing harm to nerve cells, consistent, vigorous training can initiate the illness in those already vulnerable.
Sports Career
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in acknowledgment of his courageous, relentless method to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a workout altercation with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he abandoned a training equipment and began participating in tackles.
After coming on as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the rear of the line-out in the crucial moment of play, establishing a base for half-back Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the victory-securing drop-goal.
Backing Network
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who skippered England to that victory, and a handful of other ex- colleagues about his medical situation, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to lean on their backing but, at the present, just having that type of care and recognition that people are available is the crucial thing," he said.
"This game is such a great group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've enjoyed all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to label your love your vocation, it's one of the greatest blessings.
"To have done it for so considerable a duration with the teams that I did it with was a pleasure. And I am aware they will want to help in every way they can and I await having those conversations."
